we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
