Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My liver just broke up with me...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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