I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the day after is always just damage control
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
