I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
