I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
