he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
