Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just had sex on a roof
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
