there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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