I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
