Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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