he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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