I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize