Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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