super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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