Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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