dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
