The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
