she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
