Nicole vs. Life
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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