your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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