Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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