I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
