I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
