My underwear smells like fireworks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize