Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
