I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You made out with two different species that night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
