I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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