mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
