my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
