So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
