9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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