Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
