Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
