Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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