I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
