How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
