we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
