Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
