I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
