No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am available for nakedness
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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