That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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