dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
