Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
