The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
