Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
