My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
