Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
