why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
