have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
