Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
then he tried to convert me to islam
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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