he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
