took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
