Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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