Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
