Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
