I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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