no, he came in my armpit
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
