Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
