try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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