Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
