I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
