I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I sprained my soul last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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