he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
