I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize