she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
