You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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