Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
