I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
