Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
