I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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