He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
