Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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