it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
