is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
