there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my poor anus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
