Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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