Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize