I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
