I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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