The maid of honor just puked.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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