Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
