She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
