We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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