and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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