In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
