i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
