so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
