From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
