Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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