I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
