Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
