apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
