i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
