I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
