both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this hospital has no fireball
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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