My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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