Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
