Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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