This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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