I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
