pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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