i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
