She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
