The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
