yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
