Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
