I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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