I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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