I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
