ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
