I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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