it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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