Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
