Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
