oh god the rape fog is back!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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